How not to judge
by Heather
A couple of experiences yesterday clearly reminded me how little I like being judged. You know how when you’re on a diet, you start noticing foods that are unnecessarily caloric? I think it may be similar when you’ve released a lot of negativity and judgment … when you run into it, it really starts to stand out in stark relief. It makes you uncomfortable, and it’s clear that it has no value or really, useful purpose.
I was on my way to a friend’s alumni association crawfish boil, stopped at a light, when a woman gestured to me to roll down my window. Generally when people do this, it’s to convey some kind of useful or at least well-intentioned information, like that one of my tires is low.
This time was a bit different. Based on my bumper stickers (“Hope, not fear”) left from the 2008 election cycle, she inquired about my support for the President, and then yelled, “I just wanted to see what stupid looked like!” She then closed her window quite promptly, clearly uninterested in (or perhaps afraid of) my thoughts on her thoughts. I shook my head and muttered to myself that I hadn’t wanted to see what ignorant looked like.
When I arrived at the event, even before I could park my car, I immediately noticed great enthusiasm for wearing the school colors of purple and gold. My friend hadn’t said anything about this, but since purple is one of my favorite colors, I happened to be wearing purple shoes, eyeshadow, lipgloss, and (known only to myself–and now you!) purple underwear. This, it turned out, was insufficient, and others at the table (also alumni of other schools, but unlike me, forewarned) let me know of their superiority in wearing the school colors. Ah, joy.
In the back of my mind for probably months now, I’ve been thinking about how I want to renew my own commitment to eliminating judgment from my life. These experiences were catalysts in helping me decide that the time to do that is now.
I grew up in a family and a church that absolutely prized judgment of others. Though my family read the Bible through each year, Jesus’s words “Judge not, that ye be not judged” (Matt. 7:1) seemed to register with no one. I remember puzzling over them, trying to imagine what that meant, how that would work.
I became really interested in releasing judgment from my life about 7 years ago when I read Wayne Dyer’s The Power of Intention (published in 2004). He mentions briefly the work of the late Dr. David R. Hawkins, who measured various vibrations, such as those of documents, books, people, and so on. Dr Hawkins’ work indicated that higher vibrations are very powerful, and that one person vibrating at a higher level can balance the negativity of many lower-vibrating people. I found this idea quite exciting, but there was just one problem. I knew I didn’t meet the criteria for the first level. This is what I read …
- One individual who lives and vibrates to the energy of optimism and a willingness to be nonjudgmental of others will counterbalance the negativity of 90,000 individuals who calibrate at the lower weakening levels [which basically consist of fear and lack of integrity].
- One individual who lives and vibrates to the energy of pure love and reverence for all of life will counterbalance the negativity of 750,000 individuals who calibrate at the lower weakening levels.
- One individual who lives and vibrates to the energy of illumination, bliss, and infinite peace will counterbalance the negativity of 10 million people who calibrate at the lower weakening levels (approximately 22 such sages are alive today).
- One individual who lives and vibrates to the energy of grace, pure spirit beyond the body, in a world of nonduality or complete oneness, will counterbalance the negativity of 70 million people who calibrate at the lower weakening levels (approximately 10 such sages are alive today).
Here are two compelling statistics offered by Dr. Hawkins in his 29-year study of the hidden determinants of human behavior:
- One single avatar living at the highest level of consciousness in this period of history to whom the title Lord is appropriate, such as Lord Krishna, Lord Buddha, and Lord Jesus Christ, would counterbalance the collective negativity of all of mankind in today’s world.
- The negativity of the entire human population would self-destruct were it not for the counteracting effects of these higher energy fields.
As I read this, I felt I was doing fairly well on the optimism front, but I knew very well I wasn’t nonjudgmental. But I was willing to try.
I started writing in my journal every day my intention to be willing to be in non-judgment of others. I found that this really made a profound difference in my life.
I really love the “willing” part of this statement, by the way. It seems to open up a space where–just like thoughts during meditation–judgment may come up, and then you can meet it with the willingness to release it and be in non-judgment. And as with thoughts during meditation, with practice, judgments become much less frequent.
In my view, releasing judgment doesn’t mean that you’re not aware of what’s really happening … that you don’t understand it, that you don’t know when you’re dealing with someone who’s as trustworthy as a rattlesnake. My interpretation of non-judgment is that you do notice all of these things, and act accordingly–you just don’t feel the need to judge them. Two common responses of mine when judgment comes up is, “We’re all doing our best” (which is so often true) and “No one asked me to judge.” This is also quite true. No one with any moral authority has invited me to judge anyone else–nor will they.
Now I want to take this practice to the next level. I’m not sure yet exactly how I’m going to do that, but I’ve decided that when judgment comes up, I’m going to reiterate my intention then and there …
I want to be willing to be in non-judgment of others.
This post is illustrated with the SoulCollage card I made today, Willingness to be in non-judgment + personal Witness. This could probably also be considered a Waterbearer card. The water and water jug are meant to represent the life-giving nature of creating a higher vibration.
About what matters 
great post… what an experience at the intersection! gawd. I’ve read these quotes before, but it was really good to read them again. And I love how the colors, watery images, eye, etc. came together to illustrate the idea of nonjudgment!
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Thanks, Dee. It really was … you read about these things, but it’s a bit different to experience it yourself!
I loved how the card came together too … this experience of intuition + art still feels new to me, and it’s kind of amazing. Like the alchemy of cooking, riffing on a recipe, but you’ve made something that will last.
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Beautiful card and thoughtfully written. It is usually difficult to NOT react with a knee-jerk reaction to something so weirdly “aggressive” as that lady who decided to get your attention just to yell at you–and everything that comes to mind of what I assume about her reason for doing so is based on me being judgmental towards her. We make judgment throughout our day, when we assume things about each other (good/bad). It is such a large lesson to free ourselves from being critically or negatively judgmental, and like you, I also try to practice this release on a daily basis. The fact that you are so readily mindful of it is leaps and bounds ahead 🙂
Again, I love your Witness card. It draws me in, I love the clouds and water, and I see the cycle of infinite water molecules’ in their automatic journey in your card too, from solid to liquid to gas and back again. A continuous cycle that has no end or beginning, no matter where we are in our own cycles.
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Thanks, Michelle. Appreciate your thoughts about the cycle of water. I’d noticed there was a whole lot of water in these cards, and wasn’t sure exactly why I’d gone in that direction! Initially my thought here was sky.
I looked at the rest of my deck and there is some water, but it seems to not be terribly dominant. A lot of my cards seem fairly grounded. I’m looking forward to understanding more about these as time goes on.
Something that really helped me grasp what was going on out there in the world (and in my own family, which has some less developed souls) is the concept of young souls and old souls, and the various stages of development we go through as we evolve. It certainly helps explain why someone with a full head of grey hair would think it was a good idea to do this! I grew up with people advocating a mindset of fear, suspicion, and exclusion, so I get why someone at that vibration would find the way I think, and vote, dangerously, frighteningly naïve–not to say, what was the word, stupid 🙂
So much of judging seems to be jockeying for position–either directly with others when judgments are verbalized, or in one’s own head. But I think you have to be your own benchmark … even though we’re all here doing very much the same thing, no one else is on my journey with my toolkit and my challenges and my missions but me. So just as no one else can be a benchmark for me, likewise I’m a completely unsuitable benchmark for anyone else. Which I was reminding myself of this very evening 🙂
Appreciate your thoughts as always, Michelle 🙂
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That is a great way to describe it, jockeying for position (judging). Five of us did a workshop tonight, our first as a group working with Shadow. What you have shared here is such a good example of our shadow sides in SoulCollage–that it rightfully exists as a part of our experiences along this ongoing journey and, despite the initial challenges, that Shadow can actually offer opportunities for growth (versus an excuse or reason to neglect these lessons). I know you probably already realize this, but your willingness to be in non-judgement of others is “this” kind of soul work in action! 🙂
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Really wish I could have been there! I think it’s past time for teleportation to have been implemented, don’t you?
It’s interesting, I hadn’t thought about it this way, but I do agree it’s shadow work. By making a card representing the best part of myself, and the self I aspire to become, I’ve engaged the shadow … shadow work through the back door 😉
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Very thought provoking post, Heather, and I love your SoulCollage card. That woman who had you roll down your window would have scared me, but even though she didn’t give you an opportunity to reply, her ignorance had a profound effect on you and now me. I don’t put anything political on my car anymore. I live in the city and ignorant people often are judgmental. I love your use of willingness as well. I’m a long-time 12 stepper and that is definitely one of our sayings.
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Thanks, Fran 🙂
I didn’t mention it, but my bumper stickers are still on my car, and will be as long as I have something to say about it. (I’ve heard stories of others’ stickers being removed, but I’ve never experienced that.)
I’m still in the process of balancing my voice. (I’ve been thinking it’s time to make a throat chakra card or two.) As a child, I was silenced, both at home and at church, which was ultra-fundamentalist. In my co-ed Sunday school class, girls and women were not allowed to speak. We were required to write out essay answers to each question that was asked and pass them to the teacher, who occasionally read from our answers anonymously. So as an adult, I have very little taste for being silenced. I know from experience that I am the one who will stand up and speak the truth as I understand it in a room full of hundreds of people who are scared to say what they’re thinking. I may not love doing it, but I find speaking my truth always better than the alternative. (There is, of course, a time and a place–and I do believe in choosing my battles.)
I live in a red state, but if all racial and gender groups were equally represented at the polls, it would be a blue state. So while I’m in the minority, it’s a large minority (40-something %), and one not heard from proportionately, in my view. A lot of people who vote like me are afraid. But in 7 years, I’ve only gotten negative feedback from two people. Granted, memorably 😉 But I’ve gotten more positive feedback than negative–just the other day a guy with a similar bumper sticker got my attention and flashed me the peace sign.
I continue to love my “Hope, not Fear” bumper sticker 🙂 I am getting my money’s worth from it!
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