Rising above the ego

When the September issue of The Shambhala Sun arrived and I saw its theme–the Wisdom of Anger–I immediately put it into my current magazine rotation. As I was reading the magazine this past week, I came across this timely passage:

The basic act of aggression is ego. It is what distorts the energy of anger into a cause of suffering. When we define ourselves as separate and truly existing beings, we automatically set ourselves against others. –Melvin McLeod

I found this equating of ego with aggression extremely interesting and thought-provoking. This would certainly help explain why ego flare-ups and fighting often occur simultaneously. It also helps explain why some else’s ego flaring can feel so upsetting, if indeed it is an act of aggression.

A couple of egos belonging to coworkers working on the same project as I am were flaring pretty strongly last week at work. I’m sure you’ve heard “What you resist, persists,” and it’s certainly true in this context.

When I say ego, by the way, I’m referring to that part of us that loves nothing better than to make others wrong. That says, “I am right, and therefore you are wrong–which is, of course, the natural order of things. I will defend my rightness and attack your wrongness without counting the cost.”

That cost, by my reckoning, is substantial. I’ve seen it cost people their health. I’ve seen it cost people pretty much their entire support system. Perhaps it goes without saying that much if not all the time, the ego’s interests are at odds with our own. The ego has no problem, for example, with alienating helpful people. It’s happy to do so until no one is left. I’ve concluded that trying to make sense of the actions and decisions of a rampaging ego is like trying to make sense of a wildfire. I suspect the ego is like a disease that stops at nothing, not even at killing its own host.

Thus it is in our own best interests to learn to recognize the ego when it appears on the scene. I have found that my own ego always gives itself away by insisting, “I’m right!” And perhaps it’s true that I’m right much of the time … but that doesn’t mean anyone else is wrong. There are many ways to be right, many right ways to do things. Many paths lead to the same destination. No one has a monopoly on right–or wrong.

Recognizing one’s ego the moment it appears is, I believe, the key to getting it under control. Once you recognize it for what it is, its lies are no longer believable, and you are no longer at its mercy.

So as I was preparing to go to work this past Tuesday, the still, small voice within offered this advice: “Rise above.” Immediately the image I’ve created a SoulCollage card for here came into my mind … an eagle soaring in the sky, far above the treacherous, rocky ground below.

I found taking this advice to ‘rise above’ to be far more effective than engaging with others’ egos. The ego is always spoiling for a fight. But graciousness refuses the insult and disarms the ego, leaving it with nothing to fight, nothing to feel threatened or thwarted by. When someone else is pointing out how wrong I am, or how utterly I failed to notice or predict something, it takes just a grain of humility to say, “Good catch!” or “You know, I misunderstood,” or “I forgot to fix that,” or “I got that wrong, I’m sorry.” Takes the wind right out of the ego’s sails. That’s what I observed this week.

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The lovingkindness meditation

The limits of our goodwill form the ultimate boundaries of our peace of mind, for we cannot achieve peace while aversion is present. –Josh Korda

The lovingkindness meditation is a beautiful–and challenging–practice in which you offer lovingkindness first to yourself, and then to others … those who love you unconditionally, your loved ones, beloved pets, acquaintances, strangers, all sentient beings, relatives, and those who annoy you greatly. (These last two categories can overlap. OK, these last two categories do overlap.) I find it especially easy to offer lovingkindness to those who are now on the other side, as they are now even more purely loving than they were when they were here.

I’ve found in the past that serious resistance can arise to offering lovingkindness to those who seem to be doing their utmost to make my life difficult, or to those who’ve seemed to do so in the past. That’s why I’ve really enjoyed following Beth Terrence’s May is for Metta, which really eases into the lovingkindness practice, and helps build a strong foundation for it–to get in touch with your loving heart energy before you begin.

These are my favorite phrases to use during the meditation …

May I be safe.

May I be happy.

May I be at ease.

May I be peaceful.

May I be healthy and strong.

May I have a calm, clear mind, and a peaceful, loving heart.

May I experience love, joy, and wonder in this life just as it is.

And today may you experience love, joy, and wonder in this life–just as it is.

This post is illustrated with the SoulCollage card I made to represent my 4th chakra companion, a joyful bird, and also to celebrate Hope, that thing with feathers.

How not to judge

A couple of experiences yesterday clearly reminded me how little I like being judged. You know how when you’re on a diet, you start noticing foods that are unnecessarily caloric? I think it may be similar when you’ve released a lot of negativity and judgment … when you run into it, it really starts to stand out in stark relief. It makes you uncomfortable, and it’s clear that it has no value or really, useful purpose.

I was on my way to a friend’s alumni association crawfish boil, stopped at a light, when a woman gestured to me to roll down my window. Generally when people do this, it’s to convey some kind of useful or at least well-intentioned information, like that one of my tires is low.

This time was a bit different. Based on my bumper stickers (“Hope, not fear”) left from the 2008 election cycle, she inquired about my support for the President, and then yelled, “I just wanted to see what stupid looked like!” She then closed her window quite promptly, clearly uninterested in (or perhaps afraid of) my thoughts on her thoughts. I shook my head and muttered to myself that I hadn’t wanted to see what ignorant looked like.

When I arrived at the event, even before I could park my car, I immediately noticed great enthusiasm for wearing the school colors of purple and gold. My friend hadn’t said anything about this, but since purple is one of my favorite colors, I happened to be wearing purple shoes, eyeshadow, lipgloss, and (known only to myself–and now you!) purple underwear. This, it turned out, was insufficient, and others at the table (also alumni of other schools, but unlike me, forewarned) let me know of their superiority in wearing the school colors. Ah, joy.

In the back of my mind for probably months now, I’ve been thinking about how I want to renew my own commitment to eliminating judgment from my life. These experiences were catalysts in helping me decide that the time to do that is now.

I grew up in a family and a church that absolutely prized judgment of others. Though my family read the Bible through each year, Jesus’s words “Judge not, that ye be not judged” (Matt. 7:1) seemed to register with no one. I remember puzzling over them, trying to imagine what that meant, how that would work.

I became really interested in releasing judgment from my life about 7 years ago when I read Wayne Dyer’s The Power of Intention (published in 2004). He mentions briefly the work of the late Dr. David R. Hawkins, who measured various vibrations, such as those of documents, books, people, and so on. Dr Hawkins’ work indicated that higher vibrations are very powerful, and that one person vibrating at a higher level can balance the negativity of many lower-vibrating people. I found this idea quite exciting, but there was just one problem. I knew I didn’t meet the criteria for the first level. This is what I read …

• One individual who lives and vibrates to the energy of optimism and a willingness to be nonjudgmental of others will counterbalance the negativity of  90,000 individuals who calibrate at the lower weakening levels [which basically consist of fear and lack of integrity].
• One individual who lives and vibrates to the energy of pure love and reverence for all of life will counterbalance the negativity of 750,000 individuals who calibrate at the lower weakening levels.
• One individual who lives and vibrates to the energy of illumination, bliss, and infinite peace will counterbalance the negativity of 10 million people who calibrate at the lower weakening levels (approximately 22 such sages are alive today).
• One individual who lives and vibrates to the energy of grace, pure spirit beyond the body, in a world of nonduality or complete oneness, will counterbalance the negativity of 70 million people who calibrate at the lower weakening levels (approximately 10 such sages are alive today).

Here are two compelling statistics offered by Dr. Hawkins in his 29-year study of the hidden determinants of human behavior:

1. One single avatar living at the highest level of consciousness in this period of history to whom the title Lord is appropriate, such as Lord Krishna, Lord Buddha, and Lord Jesus Christ, would counterbalance the collective negativity of all of mankind in today’s world.
2. The negativity of the entire human population would self-destruct were it not for the counteracting effects of these higher energy fields.

As I read this, I felt I was doing fairly well on the optimism front, but I knew very well I wasn’t nonjudgmental. But I was willing to try.

I started writing in my journal every day my intention to be willing to be in non-judgment of others. I found that this really made a profound difference in my life.

I really love the “willing” part of this statement, by the way. It seems to open up a space where–just like thoughts during meditation–judgment may come up, and then you can meet it with the willingness to release it and be in non-judgment. And as with thoughts during meditation, with practice, judgments become much less frequent.

In my view, releasing judgment doesn’t mean that you’re not aware of what’s really happening … that you don’t understand it, that you don’t know when you’re dealing with someone who’s as trustworthy as a rattlesnake. My interpretation of non-judgment is that you do notice all of these things, and act accordingly–you just don’t feel the need to judge them. Two common responses of mine when judgment comes up is, “We’re all doing our best” (which is so often true) and “No one asked me to judge.” This is also quite true. No one with any moral authority has invited me to judge anyone else–nor will they.

Now I want to take this practice to the next level. I’m not sure yet exactly how I’m going to do that, but I’ve decided that when judgment comes up, I’m going to reiterate my intention then and there …

I want to be willing to be in non-judgment of others.

This post is illustrated with the SoulCollage card I made today, Willingness to be in non-judgment + personal Witness. This could probably also be considered a Waterbearer card. The water and water jug are meant to represent the life-giving nature of creating a higher vibration.

May all beings be at ease

When I opened my new issue of Shambhala Sun yesterday, I found this poem, which is also a prayer, and loved it. I hope you do too.

Whatever living beings there may be;
Whether they are weak or strong, omitting none,
The great or the mighty, medium, short or small,

The seen and the unseen,
Those living near and far away,
Those born and to-be-born,
May all beings be at ease!
Let none deceive another,
Or despise any being in any state.
Let none through anger or ill-will
Wish harm upon another.

Even as a mother protects with her life
Her child, her only child,
So with a boundless heart
Should one cherish all living beings:

Radiating kindness over the entire world
Spreading upwards to the skies,
And downwards to the depths;
Outwards and unbounded,
Freed from hatred and ill-will.

Whether standing or walking, seated or lying down,
Free from drowsiness,
One should sustain this mindfulness.
This is said to be the sublime abiding.

–Buddha, from the Metta Sutta, translated by The Amaravati Sangha

This post is illustrated by my SoulCollage card Bronze Age hearth and home.

A time to act

This is the SoulCollage card I made last year to represent my sixth-chakra (third eye) companion, an owl.

During the guided meditation I used to identify my totem animals, I envisioned a British barn owl, which I think is particularly beautiful. But images of rare British owls are tough to come by in American magazines, which are the primary source of my images.

One day while standing in line at the grocery store, a misfiled wildlife magazine caught my eye. I opened it and found several large, beautiful images of snow owls. This is one of those images.

The key feature of my owl totem seemed to be a face in which its eyes were very prominent–except for a small beak, seemingly the only feature.

Here’s a new reading of my card from last night. I found it most interesting … hope you do too.

I am one who is wise–like you. Many different kinds of wisdom is what you’re developing over many lifetimes. The wisdom of nature, the wisdom of technology, the wisdom of writing.

I see and observe many things–so do you. I am still. When the time is right, I swoop and pounce. This is a lesson for you. You have been coming into this lately. A time to act, and a time not to act.

What I have to say to you about your current situation is: This advice will come in handy soon. Soon it will be time to act, and there will be no turning back. This is a good thing–you’ll see. That is all.

 

Just love

Since I posted my Soul Essence card yesterday, I thought I’d post my Source card today. It’s another of the Transpersonal cards that make up a SoulCollage deck. The Source card represents, of course, the source of all that is.

According to the SoulCollage book, Transpersonal cards don’t speak and cannot be read. So I was a little surprised to feel guided to make one, as typically there would be a message associated with this process. Sure enough–and perhaps to be expected, given that I am just a little different–no sooner did I have the card in my hands than it did exactly what it wasn’t ‘supposed to’ do.

Perhaps Source has very few rules. Perhaps only one (from my reading of the card) …

Just love.

Be of good courage

This week, I am called upon to stand up for myself at work, as well as for a number of people who work with me. This is a fight I didn’t choose, but it is one I am now engaged in–that I know for sure.

Today I made this SoulCollage card to represent myself and my attitude as I do what needs to be done this week. As I selected images for the card, my usual totem animals just didn’t seem right. A fiercer animal, the tiger, is the right totem for the situation I find myself in now.

I wasn’t sure at first what the card was going to mean, and then it came to me–Courage.

Below is my reading of the card. Please note that I am taking the tiger’s words metaphorically, not literally–and so should you!

Whatever your week may hold–be of good courage. If you need him, call the tiger to your side.

The tiger says:

I am one who is strong and fearless. I am one who walks beside you, giving you strength and courage.

I am one who stalks my prey, circling, moving in for the kill. I am with you because this is necessary. Be of good courage. I have done this before. You have all that you need.

The woman with the fiery eye says:

I am your anger. It will serve you well–a fire burning within, well under control. You are right to be angry–you’ve been treated unjustly–very. You are well strong enough to do this.

The tiger speaks again:

I wait for the moment–and then I strike. It is time to strike. I am powerful–hear me roar. I can tear my prey limb from limb. It is natural. It is my way. It is what I was put here to do.

I too am threatened. We will both live to fight another day.

The jewel says:

I am your guiding light, with you always, sustaining you.

You are fierce, you can do it.

Reflections on a wild week

This past Sunday as I made breakfast, I observed myself muttering about my situation at work, and noted that it would be one of my tasks for the day to get myself centered in preparation for the week ahead.

As I mentioned in my last post, when I wondered what I could or should do to create change, my inner guidance was, “Wait and see.” I accepted this guidance, and decided to anchor it by making a SoulCollage card to represent the concept. I spent meditative, creative time doing so that afternoon. When I finished the card, I felt satisfied … I think the card is one of my most artistic, and it’s also been one of the most immediately helpful. I felt completed grounded in and committed to waiting and seeing what would happen next, and really felt at peace with this approach. A 180 since breakfast.

On Monday morning, the wild ride began almost immediately, as meetings were called to discuss changes in executive management. Later in the day, I couldn’t help but hear a loud altercation taking place behind a closed door. Despite all the drama, I felt calm all day.

I didn’t learn about everything that had happened until Tuesday, but what happened that day as it affects me directly is that, in two separate actions, the two people who’ve done the most to make my work life “challenging” (euphemism alert) over the past several years are no longer with the company. Someone passed me a note on a company-logoed Post-it that summed it all up rather well–“Justice … finally!”

Wow. I guess that counts as a twist and a turn. Not to mention a surprise.

As my life now includes one less narcissist, I may be in a bit of danger of losing my expert status on that topic. I can totally live with that.

My sense is that the changes and surprises aren’t finished yet … that there’s more to come. I’m buckled up for the wild ride. I’m completely on board with this wait and see approach.

Wait and see

“Wait and see” is the tune playing on my inner guidance channel today. Once again, it seems, difficult as it may be to imagine, my interference is not needed! What I need to do is sit back and wait while events play out. Act two is in progress; my time to act is not yet. Yield to overcome.

Today I made this SoulCollage card to represent this guidance, Wait and see. Sometimes less is more. This, it appears, is one of those times.

My path in the new year

I’ve been thinking, as no doubt we all have, about what I want in the new year. I’ve read that this New Year’s Eve was unusually auspicious for making resolutions as it coincided with the dark of the moon, and this New Year is unusually auspicious for keeping them, as it coincides with the new moon as it does only once every 19 years.

I made this SoulCollage card on New Year’s Eve to represent my faith that whatever lies ahead in the new year–and right now it seems even more mysterious than usual–it will ultimately work out for my highest good and bring the fulfillment of my dreams and intentions for the future. As Louise Hay says:

Whenever there is a problem … repeat over and over: All is well. Everything is working out for my highest good. Out of this situation only good will come. I am safe!

“You are safe … you are so safe” is just what I kept telling Gracie (who dislikes fireworks every bit as much as she dislikes thunder) last night as my, shall we say, non-risk-averse neighbors set off a great many illegal fireworks to welcome the new year. I was nearly as unnerved as she was by a couple of rockets that whizzed by, apparently extremely close to our windows and roof. However, all is well and we were indeed safe.

Here’s what my new card for 2014 had to say when I read it …

You are guided on your path. You have nothing to fear.

I am the one who will be your guide through all the twists and turns. All will be well. The surprises that are hidden are good ones.

I am the one who is a beacon of hope, guiding you through the darkness and around blind corners. I am the light in the dark places. I am the one who loves you and wants only the best for you–who demands it. I am the one who protects you from sharp edges. You are loved. Release your worries and burdens–you have nothing to fear.

The path forward may wind, but it is safe. You are loved–truly.

Happy 2014! I wish you a blessed and safe New Year!